Religion

I am going deep, friends. Hold on! I have spent the last 28 odd years in and out of a relationship with Jesus. Some days close, some days (weeks, months and even years) not so close. But lately, I feel Him in a way never felt before. He is changing who I am. Now, for years I have prayed for change of all my 'bad stuff' ... insecurity, need for approval, desire to be needed ... all the stuff that most women feel but are so afraid to let show to anyone else. (One thing I am not afraid of - letting the true me show!) All the while asking, but never really being open to His leading to change these things in me. Oh, I knew He was trying - but I was resisting. See, resistance to change is safe. It's easy. Making a change in who you are for the better - that's painful. It's hard' But the end is so worth the yucky stuff in the middle. I am not sure what changed and why I am now feeling it differently, but I am. It's like one day I woke up and He hit me over the head and said "I can't change these things in you alone. I need your help. I made you to be an amazing woman - caring, thoughtful, emotional, loving, encouraging - but if you fight me on the other stuff, these traits are hidden and you can't share them with the world. I put them in you to use to the glory of my kingdom." I said I was going DEEP!!! Wow, what earth-shattering news that was to finally hear. (He has been saying it all along, I just wasn't ready to hear it!) Was He really talking to me? Come on, me? Yes, He was. And for the first time in 28 years, I was ready to listen.

Everything is changing around me. Inside me even. I think a little differently. I pray differently. I encourage differently. I am more tolerant of the journey my loved one's are on. I am more accepting of their faults and more loving of just who they are to me. Not what they do, but WHO THEY ARE!

So, my journey takes yet another turn, in the footsteps of Christ. My path has not been straight. It's been pretty crooked honestly. But as I look back over the last several years, I see it a little straighter than in previous years. I think that is because as I grow in Christ, I follow Him more and have less diversions. Now, I know my path with never be WITHOUT diversions, but I know my path will be lit by Him. Facing those daily, yes, I said daily, diversions is what will bring lasting change in my heart. And pride in God's eyes. I want Him to look at me when it's my time to leave this earth and say "Well done my good and faithful servant." It's all I really want out of this life. To be who He wants me to be I have to be open to my mistakes, consistently growing in Him and molding my character traits to be more like Jesus. It is a DAILY THING for me. I am OK with that.

So, you ask, why would I dump all this out for you to read? I want to encourage those that I love who are also on a journey with Christ. Many of you are on a journey similar to mine. Some are on a journey much more difficult. See, I am finally figuring out who I am ... and who I am not. My job, the money I make, the car I drive, the house I live in, the people I love, my beautiful daughter ---- they are NOT who I am. I am a child of God. He loves the INNER ME ... not the outer me. Hannah, precious baby, loves the INNER ME. I am her mother. That's all she needs to know about me. She doesn't love me more or less because of what I buy her or where we go. She loves me because I am who I am ... her mom. WOW -- that's pretty big for me! We are all so valuable to Him. He loves us SO MUCH. His son DIED for us. How big is that love???

Why is that so hard for us to accept? Why can't we just reach up to Him and say "Thank you, I love you, too?" We place the same conditions on Him as we do the other relationships in our lives. We love/don't love our friends and/or spouse because of what they do and don't do for us or because of "how they make us feel". I don't know about you, but if I hung God's love for me on how I make Him feel about the choices I have made (and will continue to make), I don't think He would be terribly happy. God's love is like no other. It's Unconditional. It's pure. It never wavers. It is never to be earned. It is just simply to be what it is - always there.

I am learning to accept me - love me - cherish who I am --- just because I know that God made me to be this way. Now, I have lots of things I continue to work on about myself. But understanding God's unwavering, unconditional, never-changing love for me has taken me to a whole new place with Him and with myself. I like me. Not to sound arrogant, but I am pretty cool. As a matter of fact --- I love me. And God loves me. Nothing else really matters.

We all go through stages where we are just not completely sold on how powerful and life-changing God's love is for our lives. It's those that are in that time of their lives right now that will understand why I felt the need to share this today.

In Christ,
Steffanie

Do you ever wonder?

Why children say the things they do?? Geesh, do I!!!! Hannah never ceases to amaze me with her wisdom, kindness and total understanding of everything going on around her. I truly understand why God wants us to see Him through the eyes of the little children. Her thoughts are so pure, honest and loving. She sees only the good in everything and everyone.

She asked me last night ... "Mommy, do you know of a more comfy spot than in the arms of a mommy?" By the sheer grace of God I had a good answer. You know, I am starting to get those questions where I don't actually have a good answer --- those scare me. As she gets older I know they are going to come more frequently and be more and more difficult to answer. But this one, I can handle. I snuggled her tight and said "I know one place." She looked at me very puzzled as if I knew something she didn't. She asked me "Where mommy?" With great mommy pride I answered, "In the arms of Jesus." She grinned from ear to ear like I had just given her the answer to her deepest darkest question. Then she nestled back down in my arms and said "Mommy, you are so smart. I didn't even think of Him. But you are so right." I laughed out loud. I could not help it.

My job as a mom is to make sure that each and every day she knows the love of Jesus transcends all. There is no mountain in her life that He can not carry her over. There is no tragedy too big that He won't weather with her. There is no heartbreak so hurtful that He won't mend for her. And not just for her. For me, too.

He is so good ... so, so good.

Remember the words you hear from the children in your life. They change everything for you when you really listen.

God Bless!

"Mommy, do you love them more?"

God is good. All the time. But lately, I feel His presence even more than before. I am now teaching...something I knew I would love and sure enough, I DO. These kids are precious. I love spending one on one time with them shaping their little minds. Some days I want to pull my hair out, don't get me wrong. But most days, if even one child learns something new, I know my day was well spent.

Looking back I see many occasions where I could have done this and did not. Not so much a traditional teaching job, but with my own child and those children in my life. She said to me last night, "Mommy, do you love your kids more than me?" I about cried. Of course I said "No, Honey. Why would you say that?" She responded, "Because your happy again, I think it's because you like them more than me." I had to pause, and yes, there was a tear. I can't help it! I am an emotional woman --- and dang proud of it! So I composed myself and said, "Honey, it's not that I love them more than you, it's that I get to use my heart in my job. I have never really gotten to do that before." In her sweet little voice she said, "Oh, OK, that's cool."

I knew my discontent with my career had some impact on our lives. Usually because I was tired, stressed or just plain unfulfilled. But never did I realize how much she picked up from me.

See, God is showing me that I have to find my passions in life and find ways to live them out. That may not be through my job. I will likely have to get a full time job this summer and use the college education I am STILL paying for. I am not terribly sad about that either. I am good at what I do. I am gifted in a business sense in so many ways. I make things happen. I encourage people. But, I know now, that I MUST find ways to share my heart with children. My own, and others. That MUST be a part of my life. Maybe it's not my whole life, but from now on, it will have a place!

We all have MANY gifts and talents. We just have to figure out how God intended us to use them. I believe I walked this path, took this job, and lived the last year in a storm, so I could see my gifts more clearly and figure out how to put them all into play in my life ... a life of service to Him. It's got to be about using what I have to glorify Him. It doesn't matter what anyone else things I should or should not do. It matters what God thinks! What makes ME happy matters. What makes me happy also makes me the best person I can be ... the one God wants me to be!

I have also learned that "I am, who I am and I am loved and free because of the price Jesus paid for my sins. No matter what I do, where I work, how I look, or even how I feel - God LOVES me and wants to shower me with his blessings. He made me perfectly the way he wants me.

I am learning to like me. It's kinda cool, actually.

God Bless,
Steff

Weston

So, we made it to Weston to spend some time with Noel and her family. I have to tell you, this is the coolest family. They are funny, crazy and full of life. They all sing. I think that is sooooo cool. Living with a little singer is great, but a whole house full is amazing!

Being here has got me thinking about friends and how important people are in our lives. My journey over the last few months has been a rocky one. See a year ago I thought I had the whole world figured out. I knew me, what I wanted, how I would get there and everything. You know the old saying "You wanna make God laugh? Make plans." Well, nothing has ever been more true than in my life. So here I am, six months into and out of a major life storm and I am looking back, with a friends family, and seeing what is really important.

To come into a family and become part of their world is amazing. Truly amazing. And the most revealing part to me is ... I did nothing to EARN a place here. I am just me and they just said, come be with us for a few days. It's a crazy concept for me to think that just as I am, I am accepted.

See, that's what God has been teaching me these last few months. I am fearfully and wonderfully made in his perfect way. And I am who I am and I am free in him. (that's a song, by the way.) It's freeing, it's comforting and it's exciting to finally know that I am accepted. Just as I am.

Crazy ... blessed ... loved ... chosen ... adopted ... forgiven ... Ephesians 1 ... check it out!

Hugs, Kisses and Blessings ... I am off to explore Weston with my dear friend Noel!

This is ....

This is going to be addicting. I can feel it already. See, I am a lover of words. I love to read. I love to write. I love to talk. That's a lethal combination for a blogger. (Is that what I am??? A blogger???)

So, what happens when you add your oldest friend (not oldest in age, oldest in how long you have been friends - since we were 4 - and one of your newest friends - (they went to college together) ... on a front porch on a nice warm spring evening. I am not sure, but I will tell you later.

My dear friend Tiffani is in from Clarksburg. My friend Noel (Hannah's voice coach) and Tiffani sang in the West Virginian's together in college. Noel (as well as a million other people who know us) can't seem to figure out how Tiffani and I are not related. We look alike, we act alike, we even dress alike and she lives 2 hours away. It is truly scary. She is the friend that you don't see for like 5 years and when you do, no time has passed. Weird, but such a cool friend to have. I love her. Always have, always will. So we will see how freaked out Noel gets seeing the two of us together tonight. When Tiffani got married at least 20 people asked "Hey, where's your sister?" Hahahahahah. That's how much alike we are. :) It should be fun, folks!!!

Is this what people blog about??? I am so new at this, yet drawn to blog. Whew ... I hope Adrienne realizes the can of worms she has opened.

God Bless!