"Mommy, do you love them more?"

God is good. All the time. But lately, I feel His presence even more than before. I am now teaching...something I knew I would love and sure enough, I DO. These kids are precious. I love spending one on one time with them shaping their little minds. Some days I want to pull my hair out, don't get me wrong. But most days, if even one child learns something new, I know my day was well spent.

Looking back I see many occasions where I could have done this and did not. Not so much a traditional teaching job, but with my own child and those children in my life. She said to me last night, "Mommy, do you love your kids more than me?" I about cried. Of course I said "No, Honey. Why would you say that?" She responded, "Because your happy again, I think it's because you like them more than me." I had to pause, and yes, there was a tear. I can't help it! I am an emotional woman --- and dang proud of it! So I composed myself and said, "Honey, it's not that I love them more than you, it's that I get to use my heart in my job. I have never really gotten to do that before." In her sweet little voice she said, "Oh, OK, that's cool."

I knew my discontent with my career had some impact on our lives. Usually because I was tired, stressed or just plain unfulfilled. But never did I realize how much she picked up from me.

See, God is showing me that I have to find my passions in life and find ways to live them out. That may not be through my job. I will likely have to get a full time job this summer and use the college education I am STILL paying for. I am not terribly sad about that either. I am good at what I do. I am gifted in a business sense in so many ways. I make things happen. I encourage people. But, I know now, that I MUST find ways to share my heart with children. My own, and others. That MUST be a part of my life. Maybe it's not my whole life, but from now on, it will have a place!

We all have MANY gifts and talents. We just have to figure out how God intended us to use them. I believe I walked this path, took this job, and lived the last year in a storm, so I could see my gifts more clearly and figure out how to put them all into play in my life ... a life of service to Him. It's got to be about using what I have to glorify Him. It doesn't matter what anyone else things I should or should not do. It matters what God thinks! What makes ME happy matters. What makes me happy also makes me the best person I can be ... the one God wants me to be!

I have also learned that "I am, who I am and I am loved and free because of the price Jesus paid for my sins. No matter what I do, where I work, how I look, or even how I feel - God LOVES me and wants to shower me with his blessings. He made me perfectly the way he wants me.

I am learning to like me. It's kinda cool, actually.

God Bless,
Steff