"Mommy, do you love them more?"

God is good. All the time. But lately, I feel His presence even more than before. I am now teaching...something I knew I would love and sure enough, I DO. These kids are precious. I love spending one on one time with them shaping their little minds. Some days I want to pull my hair out, don't get me wrong. But most days, if even one child learns something new, I know my day was well spent.

Looking back I see many occasions where I could have done this and did not. Not so much a traditional teaching job, but with my own child and those children in my life. She said to me last night, "Mommy, do you love your kids more than me?" I about cried. Of course I said "No, Honey. Why would you say that?" She responded, "Because your happy again, I think it's because you like them more than me." I had to pause, and yes, there was a tear. I can't help it! I am an emotional woman --- and dang proud of it! So I composed myself and said, "Honey, it's not that I love them more than you, it's that I get to use my heart in my job. I have never really gotten to do that before." In her sweet little voice she said, "Oh, OK, that's cool."

I knew my discontent with my career had some impact on our lives. Usually because I was tired, stressed or just plain unfulfilled. But never did I realize how much she picked up from me.

See, God is showing me that I have to find my passions in life and find ways to live them out. That may not be through my job. I will likely have to get a full time job this summer and use the college education I am STILL paying for. I am not terribly sad about that either. I am good at what I do. I am gifted in a business sense in so many ways. I make things happen. I encourage people. But, I know now, that I MUST find ways to share my heart with children. My own, and others. That MUST be a part of my life. Maybe it's not my whole life, but from now on, it will have a place!

We all have MANY gifts and talents. We just have to figure out how God intended us to use them. I believe I walked this path, took this job, and lived the last year in a storm, so I could see my gifts more clearly and figure out how to put them all into play in my life ... a life of service to Him. It's got to be about using what I have to glorify Him. It doesn't matter what anyone else things I should or should not do. It matters what God thinks! What makes ME happy matters. What makes me happy also makes me the best person I can be ... the one God wants me to be!

I have also learned that "I am, who I am and I am loved and free because of the price Jesus paid for my sins. No matter what I do, where I work, how I look, or even how I feel - God LOVES me and wants to shower me with his blessings. He made me perfectly the way he wants me.

I am learning to like me. It's kinda cool, actually.

God Bless,
Steff

Weston

So, we made it to Weston to spend some time with Noel and her family. I have to tell you, this is the coolest family. They are funny, crazy and full of life. They all sing. I think that is sooooo cool. Living with a little singer is great, but a whole house full is amazing!

Being here has got me thinking about friends and how important people are in our lives. My journey over the last few months has been a rocky one. See a year ago I thought I had the whole world figured out. I knew me, what I wanted, how I would get there and everything. You know the old saying "You wanna make God laugh? Make plans." Well, nothing has ever been more true than in my life. So here I am, six months into and out of a major life storm and I am looking back, with a friends family, and seeing what is really important.

To come into a family and become part of their world is amazing. Truly amazing. And the most revealing part to me is ... I did nothing to EARN a place here. I am just me and they just said, come be with us for a few days. It's a crazy concept for me to think that just as I am, I am accepted.

See, that's what God has been teaching me these last few months. I am fearfully and wonderfully made in his perfect way. And I am who I am and I am free in him. (that's a song, by the way.) It's freeing, it's comforting and it's exciting to finally know that I am accepted. Just as I am.

Crazy ... blessed ... loved ... chosen ... adopted ... forgiven ... Ephesians 1 ... check it out!

Hugs, Kisses and Blessings ... I am off to explore Weston with my dear friend Noel!

This is ....

This is going to be addicting. I can feel it already. See, I am a lover of words. I love to read. I love to write. I love to talk. That's a lethal combination for a blogger. (Is that what I am??? A blogger???)

So, what happens when you add your oldest friend (not oldest in age, oldest in how long you have been friends - since we were 4 - and one of your newest friends - (they went to college together) ... on a front porch on a nice warm spring evening. I am not sure, but I will tell you later.

My dear friend Tiffani is in from Clarksburg. My friend Noel (Hannah's voice coach) and Tiffani sang in the West Virginian's together in college. Noel (as well as a million other people who know us) can't seem to figure out how Tiffani and I are not related. We look alike, we act alike, we even dress alike and she lives 2 hours away. It is truly scary. She is the friend that you don't see for like 5 years and when you do, no time has passed. Weird, but such a cool friend to have. I love her. Always have, always will. So we will see how freaked out Noel gets seeing the two of us together tonight. When Tiffani got married at least 20 people asked "Hey, where's your sister?" Hahahahahah. That's how much alike we are. :) It should be fun, folks!!!

Is this what people blog about??? I am so new at this, yet drawn to blog. Whew ... I hope Adrienne realizes the can of worms she has opened.

God Bless!

Day 1 - OH MY GOSH, I HAVE JOINED THE WORLD OF BLOGGING

So I have this friend, Adrienne, who has introduced me to blogging. I am not a technology genius. Nor do I live and die by it. But I survive within it. Pretty successfully most days. Not over the top, but I function at a higher level than the average bear in the world of technology. I FULLY utilize my Blackberry, and have no desire to trade up. I still have things to learn on it. Toilets to drop it in. Places to lose it. You get it. It still has miles.

I am the mom of Hannah. My sweet, precious gift from my heavenly father. She is AMAZING in so many ways. She makes my heart beat fast and puts a smile on my face ... well, most days, anyway. She is, after all, still just nine years old. She challenges me. She makes me so proud some days I want to explode. She loves JESUS with all her heart. She loves me. Just like I am. Even when I don't shower. She's cool like that. She is who she is. Free and Loved.

I am not sure what will become of my blog. But, whatever comes of it, it will be INTERESTING. My life is rather interesting most of the time. I put myself out there and experience as much as I can. After all, I only have this life here on earth for a short while. I want to live it up and miss nothing!!!!!

I love Jesus. More and more everyday. Just when I think I am at the pinnacle of life with Him, something wonderfully amazing happens and I realize I am still on this journey and that every day is just another walk in the park with him. Some days it rains in my park. Some days it's sunny. But one thing it is not ---- BORING. That's a good thing, by the way. I don't do boring. I want to live, feel, love and experience all that I can. It's growth for me. Growing in my own skin, growing in Christ. It's a cool place to be.

So, end of Day 1 blogging. Who knows if I did this right or not. It was fun to create. Will be a nice place to share my thoughts with all my peeps.

GOD BLESS!