Religion

I am going deep, friends. Hold on! I have spent the last 28 odd years in and out of a relationship with Jesus. Some days close, some days (weeks, months and even years) not so close. But lately, I feel Him in a way never felt before. He is changing who I am. Now, for years I have prayed for change of all my 'bad stuff' ... insecurity, need for approval, desire to be needed ... all the stuff that most women feel but are so afraid to let show to anyone else. (One thing I am not afraid of - letting the true me show!) All the while asking, but never really being open to His leading to change these things in me. Oh, I knew He was trying - but I was resisting. See, resistance to change is safe. It's easy. Making a change in who you are for the better - that's painful. It's hard' But the end is so worth the yucky stuff in the middle. I am not sure what changed and why I am now feeling it differently, but I am. It's like one day I woke up and He hit me over the head and said "I can't change these things in you alone. I need your help. I made you to be an amazing woman - caring, thoughtful, emotional, loving, encouraging - but if you fight me on the other stuff, these traits are hidden and you can't share them with the world. I put them in you to use to the glory of my kingdom." I said I was going DEEP!!! Wow, what earth-shattering news that was to finally hear. (He has been saying it all along, I just wasn't ready to hear it!) Was He really talking to me? Come on, me? Yes, He was. And for the first time in 28 years, I was ready to listen.

Everything is changing around me. Inside me even. I think a little differently. I pray differently. I encourage differently. I am more tolerant of the journey my loved one's are on. I am more accepting of their faults and more loving of just who they are to me. Not what they do, but WHO THEY ARE!

So, my journey takes yet another turn, in the footsteps of Christ. My path has not been straight. It's been pretty crooked honestly. But as I look back over the last several years, I see it a little straighter than in previous years. I think that is because as I grow in Christ, I follow Him more and have less diversions. Now, I know my path with never be WITHOUT diversions, but I know my path will be lit by Him. Facing those daily, yes, I said daily, diversions is what will bring lasting change in my heart. And pride in God's eyes. I want Him to look at me when it's my time to leave this earth and say "Well done my good and faithful servant." It's all I really want out of this life. To be who He wants me to be I have to be open to my mistakes, consistently growing in Him and molding my character traits to be more like Jesus. It is a DAILY THING for me. I am OK with that.

So, you ask, why would I dump all this out for you to read? I want to encourage those that I love who are also on a journey with Christ. Many of you are on a journey similar to mine. Some are on a journey much more difficult. See, I am finally figuring out who I am ... and who I am not. My job, the money I make, the car I drive, the house I live in, the people I love, my beautiful daughter ---- they are NOT who I am. I am a child of God. He loves the INNER ME ... not the outer me. Hannah, precious baby, loves the INNER ME. I am her mother. That's all she needs to know about me. She doesn't love me more or less because of what I buy her or where we go. She loves me because I am who I am ... her mom. WOW -- that's pretty big for me! We are all so valuable to Him. He loves us SO MUCH. His son DIED for us. How big is that love???

Why is that so hard for us to accept? Why can't we just reach up to Him and say "Thank you, I love you, too?" We place the same conditions on Him as we do the other relationships in our lives. We love/don't love our friends and/or spouse because of what they do and don't do for us or because of "how they make us feel". I don't know about you, but if I hung God's love for me on how I make Him feel about the choices I have made (and will continue to make), I don't think He would be terribly happy. God's love is like no other. It's Unconditional. It's pure. It never wavers. It is never to be earned. It is just simply to be what it is - always there.

I am learning to accept me - love me - cherish who I am --- just because I know that God made me to be this way. Now, I have lots of things I continue to work on about myself. But understanding God's unwavering, unconditional, never-changing love for me has taken me to a whole new place with Him and with myself. I like me. Not to sound arrogant, but I am pretty cool. As a matter of fact --- I love me. And God loves me. Nothing else really matters.

We all go through stages where we are just not completely sold on how powerful and life-changing God's love is for our lives. It's those that are in that time of their lives right now that will understand why I felt the need to share this today.

In Christ,
Steffanie